Three to One

So this exists.

thehautemess:

We feel more sorry for the makeup artist whose career completely ended last night…

Nicole Kidman, after spending some time with a group of blind people, was dropped for the New York premiere of her new film, Nine.  Unfortunately for Nicole, no one seemed to notice that she looked as if she just came from spending some quality time with Lindsay Lohan.  Fortunately for us, though, we are reminded once again why we decided to begin The Haute Mess.

[Source]

thehautemess:

It’s like they’re advertising that this award show is a big jokey mess…

As long as we’ve been around to see them, the Golden Globes have always been positioned as the ‘fun’ version of the Oscars - which is just a euphemism for the ‘joke red-headed stepchild version of the legitimate awards show’.

Well this year, they’ve stayed true to form by nominating Sandra Bullock for her riveting performance from 2009’s, The Proposal playing the hardass executive who is, of course, Canadian - a definite candidate for immediate deportation.  In order for her character to stay in the country, she has to pretend to marry Ryan Reynolds and visit his family in the far off world of Alaska.  Along her journey, she fights off dog-snatching eagles and inches her way into Grandma’s heart by breaking into an impromptu performance of Lil’ Jon’s ‘Get Low’. There were really NO OTHER Musical/Comedy performances that were better than this?

The next eye-roll of a nomination came for Todd Phillips’s The Hangover, which managed to snag a nomination for Best Picture Musical/Comedy.  Just to recap, this film:

…is nominated for a major industry award for the past year.  No further explanation should be needed.

Now this isn’t to say that we won’t be watching the awards live and on the edge of our seats for our favorites to take away the awards they deserve…but we also can’t ignore the fact that the Hollywood Foreign Press might as well just give up sooner rather than later.

In case what you were wondering what it looks like when a “former gay” is handed his ass on a platter by a power lesbian…

Yesterday, Political Talk Show host and all around badass, Rachel Maddow, welcomed Richard Cohen, author of the books “Coming Out Straight” and “Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing”.  Cohen, a self proclaimed former gay who suffered from “same-sex attachment disorder”, claims that his missteps into homosexuality came from an incident in which he was molested by a family friend at the age of six and subsequently, craved affection from his father that was then manifested in same sex relationships up until around the age of 30.

After seeking treatment from a Freudian Psychologist and eventually enveloping himself in an evangelical Christian church, he met his current wife.  During the first three years of his marriage, he maintained relations with men on the side until he finally sought total healing from his homosexuality.

I’m fully aware that there are several levels of comfort when dealing with homosexuality either within oneself or with someone in their life, but it’s Cohen’s reasoning and proposed causes for homosexuality that don’t sit well with me.  On top of that, the idea that something that is inevitably true about someone’s being should be cured isn’t something I can discuss without an eye-roll.  I know I live in Los Angeles in the middle of very forward-thinking, and although it stuns me everytime, I also know there are places in my world that embody archaic thinking that fuel and are fueled by varying levels of absurd hatred.

Since then, he has developed several famous and wildly questionable techniques for curing homosexuality under the umbrella of his own foundation, the International Healing Foundation.  These techniques, which can be be seen here in this setup clip from an earlier episode of Rachel Maddow’s show, show Cohen cuddling with men to heal them as well as introducing his bludgeoning (meant to represent suppressed feelings) of innocent bedding by tennis racket.

The reason that Richard Cohen has been running rampant in the news recently runs in conjunction with the introduction of Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill, better known as the “Kill the Gays Bill” that would criminally punish homosexual behavior as far as execution.  One of the biggest proponents of this bill, Ugandan Stephen Langa, cites Richard Cohen’s teachings and writings as fuel for the fire behind the passing of the bill.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Now I’m not one to tell people how to act and think, but I am also not interested in entertaining any time with someone with such ludicrous beliefs that are in direct contradiction to their own actions.  The fact that Richard Cohen, who I might add has been expelled from the American Counseling Association due to the questionable nature of his teachings, doesn’t seem to have any definitive objection or remorse to his books being used to promote such blatant hatred completely baffles me.  Maddow, although obviously equally baffled, composes herself much better than I would have and presents the most amazing counterpoints to all of his statements that I can’t even do justice in my already-too-long reporting.  Maddow: 1, Cohen: -infinity.

Come on baby, let’s put a ring on it…

While out this weekend, I happened to hear this ridiculously fun mashup of Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)’ and Chubby Checkers’s classic ‘The Twist’.  After two and a half minutes of mindlessly tearing it up on the dance floor, I was prepared to go into full search mode - luckily, I quickly found it online.  Have a listen, enjoy the fun.