Smite me, you asshole
As with every new episode of True Blood, we pick up right where we left off. The only difference this time is that the continuation was actually another one of Sookie’s steamy dreams of Eric. I riddle anyone to tell me what’s hotter than making out with a grieving man with blood streaming down their face.
When she wakes up, we find Sookie and Jason riding back in their Anubus Air chariot hearse that is transporting Bill back to Bon[e] Temps. Upon arrival, they quickly realize that the metaphorical shit hath hit the fan. Looking more like a barren wasteland than a town, Bon Temps is now overrun by a tornado of crazy - first in the form of a masochist praying to a support post and second with a couple that seems to be quickly losing their clothing while proclaiming that the ‘god’ is coming for Sam Merlotte. Cue the incredible title sequence.
Recently, I have been reading some various fan feedback in which several are cursing Maryann and begging for spoilers as to when Bon Temps will be rid of her for good. Clearly this ‘fans’ don’t know absolute perfection when it is building a giant meat tree right in front of them. Michelle Forbes wows us (me) once again as Maryann goes from slightly off to completely off her rocker. As she whimsically adds the ‘perfection’ known as crow feathers to her grand structure, she displays a complete confidence in the control she has of what is to come and just enough crazy to make it all come to fruition. Also, we welcome back Carl (where has he been?), Maryann’s henchman who is ‘finally getting it’ - Amazing.
Back in the land of crazy eyes, the entire town is on a mission to capture Sam Merlotte for the god’s sacrifice. The majority of the clan seem to be planted at Merlotte’s while they black-eyed HBIC - the one and only Ms. Maxine Fortenberry - is under house arrest at Bill’s by Jessica and Hoyt. Maxine Fortenberry is like the Shirley Phelps-Roper (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3PyoUPcobA) of Bon Temps: Completely set in her archaic ways of thought and prejudiced beyond belief. From her first entrance in the episode with her ‘walk of shame’ ensemble and sex hair, I knew this crazy bitch was going to be one of my favorites in the episode. This was only confirmed as she blatantly hit on Jason as well as when she was intensely zapping the shit out of some aliens on the Wii (PS, whoever decided to put a Wii in a vampires house should be given a high five for brilliance).
Meanwhile, after being deceptively lured to Merlotte’s by a fake distress call from Arlene, Sam and Andy are ambushed and manage to lock themselves in the walk-in refrigerator. As they are both trying to stay warm, town drunk Andy Bellefleur goes on a rant about how Sam is the seeing man amongst the blind. As Sam questioned what the hell Andy was talking about, we were given one of those moments, although completely pointless, that helps us relate to the characters more (in this case, Sam, who seems to have as much of a head on himself as I [think I] do). Just when they are running out of ideas to get them out alive and unfrozen, new hero confident on his recent successes, Jason Stackhouse, shows up in full battle garb - which, of course, includes a chainsaw and a nail gun.
Now if I walked into a bar and saw fat people nailing each other, I would probably change my directional path immediately. I don’t think sawing a stereo in half and nailing a mans shirt to a bar would be anywhere in the general vicinity of thought…but then again, I’m not a stone-throw short of retarded. After valiant efforts to free Andy and Sam, Jason’s mission is eventually thwarted as Sam finally gives himself to the mob. Just as he is being wrapped up for delivery to Maryann and her meat tree, Jason and Andy - the motliest of crew - come up with a decent plan as Jason emerges disguised (well…for the most part) as the god that comes. His smiting along with Sam’s shifting manages to trick the mob into thinking their work is done. They flee and Sam returned to the scene wearing only a backless apron…naturally.
Sookie and Bill FINALLY return to Sookie’s house…or Maryann’s Fern Gully…and decide to take a walk around as if the meat tree wasn’t enough to warn them that something was definitely not right. Inside, they finally encounter Maryann who almost immediately pins Sookie to the wall. The contact sends Sookie into mind flashes that confirm to her that Maryann is the bull-headed claw beast that attacked her in the woods. Bill rips Maryann off her and goes straight in for the neck. Unfortunately for Bill, Maryann is made of green poison blood…not the good stuff that humans are made of. Sookie’s form of intimidation against a creature that is obviously harboring insane amounts of power is to force her to…talk to the hand? Luckily for Sookie, her Mean Girls method produces a blast of Xanadu-like light that forces Maryann’s quick retreat - not out of fear, but out of what seems to be ecstasy mixed with confusion. Sookie helps Bill hobble out of the house and Maryann leaves us with the greatest crazy laugh ever caught on film. **Spoiler alert** I haven’t read any of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, but through interviews I’ve read from the cast, it is eventually revealed that Sookie is part fairy, which explains her Xanadu…oh of course…?
Bill and Sookie make their way to LaFayette’s to help him and Lettie Mae free Tara from her Maryann-induced black eyes. By combining their efforts, Bill and Sookie revive her from her hypnosis and reunite her with the land of the living. Tara’s Greek chanting clues Bill into what Maryann may be (based on his readings in the 20s about Maenads…conveniently) and tells Sookie that he may know someone that could help bring her down. We are left with Bill entering the mansion of Queen Sophie-Anne, whom we finally get to meet in all of her flame-haired lesbian loving glory next week.
Here is HBO’s video recap. Obviously not as witty and exciting as mine, but some people are just more visual than others…
